26  Aug
What. The. Fuck.

If you would have shown that to me before, I would have bet good money that this was fake.

I will be honest, I don’t know much about the “Insane Clown Posse” other than it is a couple of fat rednecks in face paint that rap about having sex with farm animals and generic soft drinks. The fans of this group are know as “Juggalos” which I have seen at a distance like a lion on safari. The fans tend to have their mother also be their sister, have most likely had sex with a animal, dress up like a moron including ridiculous hairstyles and facepaint while going out in public making sure they have no chance at ever having a job and spend all their money they get from welfare and selling meth on making sure everyone knows that they are fans of said group.

Well I find myself surprised when I get a link to this video today. I shall give you the run down of my reactions as I saw them. Note that I am going to use lots of “big words” because “Juggalos” lack the ability to read.

0:00 – Tenth Annual? I am amazed even one of these have ever happened. Also ICP is still around and has fans?

0:04 – Biggest family reunion because everyone who will be there is related. Inbreeding makes things like this happen I guess, at least they are honest about it. Cave-In-Rock, IL seems like a place that either A: a setting for a bad horror flick or B: a bad gay porn.

0:14 – Four days? What kind of music festival goes on for four days? Oh yea, the kind where anyone that goes has no employment to get back home for.

0:18 – “True Juggalo Performances” by every member of the “Psychopathic Records Family”. I am not sure what a “True Juggalo Performance” is, I am willing to be it involves a sex act with a family member or farm animal. And from the shots shown, to be a member of the “Psychopathic Records Family” you need to be a inbred retard in face paint.

0:23 – WHAT THE FUCK? Either someone kidnapped Ice Cube or one of his family members or is really hurting for money so bad that going to Buttfuck, Illinois to play at Whitetrashapalooza? Dude was in N.W.A.! Please just make another shitty family film instead of this. I promise I’ll see it twice and pretend to like it!

0:25 – “Cottonmouth Kings” which seem to be a bunch of old douchebags with bleached hair and eyeliner… Like homosexual skateboarders from 1997.

0:29 – I am sure the on reason why GWAR is there is because they saw a list of who is playing and decided this is a trainwreck to see in person.

0:30 – Vanilla Ice? What is he there to work the concession stand?

0:31 – “Haystack” who looks like someone who has had sex with farm animals, should fit right in.

0:32 – Coolio, who I am positive is in the same hot dog stand with Rob Van Winkle.

0:36 – “Big B” looks to have been arrested for having sex with farm animals…

0:42 – WRESTLING FANS can watch the “JCW” which seems to be in “full effect”…

0:53 – …and consists of washed up former wrestling stars from twenty years ago and Butterbean who I was pretty sure died.

0:56 – Oh look I can get my “Late Night Laughs on” in their “Late Night Comedy Tent”…. Wait is that the same mic from the cover of Chris Rock – Bigger and Blacker?

0:59 – Wait a fucking minute, since when is JJ Walker “Legendary”? I mean I like Good Times and all, but saying “Dynamite” and having big lips doesn’t make you “Legendary.

1:01 – The fucking Weasel? Are you serious?

1:03 – Rowdy Roddy Piper is a stand up comedian now? Huh.

1:11 – Helicopter rides.  Just what you need in something like this. For people to escape once they figure out what they just got themselves into.

1:14 – I want to know what the “Violent J’s Beach Boys BBQ Blowout Bash Fest” is. Also, I am amazed Mike Love and Brian Wilson don’t sue them for using the name. Although I can’t imagine they have much money, I mean they drink generic soda after all.

1:26 – Everything in this sounds like something from Metalocalypse. I can’t believe it is real.

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Posted by Djarum, filed under Music, News, Videos. Date: August 26, 2009, 9:39 pm | No Comments »

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